by Petar Sardelich LMFT/PT/MAC in abuse, addiction, counseling, counselor, depression, life coaching, loss, mental illness, Pasadena, private practice, relationship, relationships, service, stress, therapist, therapy, trauma Tags: abuse, addiction, counseling, counselor, depression, life coaching, loss, mental illness, Pasadena, pasadena therapist, private practice, relationship, relationships, service, stress, therapist, therapy, trauma EditThanks for dropping by my blog page. As the introduction notes, I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Psychiatric Technician, and Masters level Addictions Counselor in Pasadena, California. Though I’ve been doing some private practice for many years in addition to the twenty-six I’ve been doing inpatient work, I’ve now gone out on my own, to do just private practice. Providing treatment is my life’s work. Having not just survived, but also (somewhat) gracefully dealt with some suffering of my own, I have been given not just some answers- but with those answers, also responsibility to others. Holding on to those responsibilities is not only bad for other people, it would be unhealthy for me too. So, very early, I started being of service. Having worked inpatient for so many years, I’ve been lucky (and saddened) to take care of most every type of human suffering possible. Most of my work has been with adults and adolescents. Depression, loss, grief, addiction, trauma, abuse, stress, mental illness (for lack of a more graceful term), relationships, desires (and need) for personal growth or “life coaching”, chronic pain, medical illnesses, family problems, couples problems and more have all been tragically present and have arguably increased over the years I’ve provided service. There is much work to be done about all of these things and more. It seems now that the most effective way to care for these problems is for me to see individuals, families, and couples privately. It was suggested by someone I consider wise that I find a way to make myself available to people when they are not able to be around me. Aside from writing a book, providing materials from talks I do in the community, I am starting a blog. There is much work to be done, and many answers are possible that can improve the quality of all our lives, if we’re willing to live by some principles and do some work. My hope is that I can take you along with me as I do so, by way of communicating here. And so to it.More information about Petar at April30th.org.
by Petar Sardelich LMFT/PT/MAC in counseling, counselor, marriage and family therapy, psychologist, psychology, therapist, therapy Tags: counseling, counselor, marriage and family therapy, pasadena therapist, psychologist, psychology, therapist, therapy Edit
Next Thursday (May 6th) at 1130 AM, Judy McGehee MA, MFT (www.mcgeheepartners.org), Tom Aaselund MFT, and myself will be discussing… whatever comes up… about psychology, therapy and etc for what I think is half an hour. It will be on the “Project Get Well America” show with Dr. Mark. It’s live streamed and podcasted. The link for the show is here. If there’s any more details, will let you know.More information about Petar at April30th.org.
Communication With Adolescents? Communication With Everybody.
by Petar Sardelich LMFT/PT/MAC in adolescents, child, children, communication, counseling, counselor, marriage and family therapy, parent, parenting, psychologist, psychology, relationship, relationships, therapist, therapy Tags: adolescents, child, children, communication, counseling, counselor, marriage and family therapy, parent, parenting, pasadena therapist, psychologist, psychology, relationship, relationships, therapist, therapy Edit
Got to do a talk with the aforementioned Judy McGehee MA, LMFT (www.mcgeheepartners.org) tonight at the “Parent Summit” organized by the Glendora School District. There were breakout sessions with different professionals and agencies providing talks on different topics. Dr. Mary Suzuki (wife of Dr. Dan Suzuki) began the session with Captain Rob Castro of Glendora PD, who discussed a previous summit focusing on adolescents and use of pharmaceuticals (illicitly).
Judy and I did a talk entitled “How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen, How to Listen so Your Kids Will Talk”. As we discussed in our PowerPoint presentation, it became pretty clear that this was a misnomer- not only because it has more to do with relationships with kids, and further, much of the skills we discussed were relevant for most relationships in general.
During her talk, Judy identified the importance of being interested in your kids, not letting technology like cell phones and iPods get in the way of communication, ideas about developmental stages, roadblocks to communication and more. The parents and professionals who attended asked her a lot of questions about different types of age-appropriate communication, problem-solving specific issues and etc.
My talk endeavored a practical approach that highlighted suggestions to put me out of a job (one of my personal goals), principled ideas for use in communication, and some adolescent/child specific tools. We also discussed problem-solving issues like when/when not to intervene between siblings, children (who were sometimes adults in the examples) “stonewalling”, giving short and/or avoidant responses, even what might be described as resentful feelings prompting one or another to not talk all together. The details of these are of course beyond a blog.
That said though, will copy/paste some of the suggestions I had here. Any questions, ideas, encouragements etc are welcome. Again, would offer that many of these are useful in communicating with all types of people, in all different types of relationships. Here’s the abbreviated list:
• Don’t yell.
• Don’t be critical and/or judgmental.
• Don’t try to change others’ mind or behavior.
• Don’t interrupt.
• Don’t only have feelings of fear or anger, or not have feelings at all.
• Be graceful with the feelings you do have.
• Don’t interrogate. *only be a parent* (meaning, resist the temptation to be a police officer, financial adviser, career counselor, etc)
• Don’t interrupt.
• Don’t say one thing, then do another.
• If someone says something you don’t understand, ask them to explain it.
• If someone starts yelling, speak quietly.
• Avoid power struggles.
(Here is where some of the adolescent specific ideas began)
• It might be a good answer to them.
• Don’t be afraid of technology. Learn to text. Email.
• Ask their opinion.
• Tell them you love them, and what you like about them.
• Learn their language. You don’t have to use it. (www.urbandictionary.com)
• Use the “rule of five”, particularly in crisis. Five words a sentence, five letters a word.
• Find a way to be interested in them- what they think, what they like and care about, and why.
This is certainly not an exhaustive list. It also doesn’t address some of the principles that might otherwise be employed, doesn’t give some answers in context, and doesn’t explain why some of these tools might be important. Those ideas, as a rule, have to be discussed, processed. They also don’t address specifics about working through problems or issues. Most of these things are best done with a professional, over time. Hope some of these can be helpful.More information about Petar at April30th.org.
Speaking of Service…
by Petar Sardelich LMFT/PT/MAC in abuse, addiction, clinical supervision, counseling, depression, loss, marriage and family therapy, psychologist, psychology, service, therapist, therapy, treatment Tags: abuse, addiction, clinical supervision, counseling, depression, loss, marriage and family therapy, pasadena therapist, psychologist, psychology, service, therapist, therapy, treatment Edit
My friend and colleague Judy McGehee MA, LMFT (www.mcgeheepartners.org) along with Ted Aaselund LMFT have been providing clinical supervision (completing hours for graduation and/or eventual licensure) for a great group of interns and trainees at Judy’s office in Glendora, California. They have been providing sometimes up to 40 hours of services to local schools with these Masters level folk to students and families who might not get these services at all otherwise.
I have been truly humbled by the work of these people, and lucky to get to participate in part of the supervision. We have been discussing the obvious concerns about professional standards, law and ethics concerns, types of interventions, philosophy, differential diagnosis, addiction, depression, abuse and etc. What has been so remarkable though is the intensity of the losses and difficulties these students and families have had, but equally, the grace and commitment of the interns and Judy insuring that these folk get taken care of.
It appears now that eventually, on top of the individual services that are being provided to the educational institutions, students, and families, there may be an opportunity for a multi-family group therapy at low cost for these individuals. This is such a great service, but sadly, there is no funding available for this to happen (space may be made available at a school). Of course I can’t discuss the details but, there have been some huge losses for these families that they are getting little support for treating from a public standpoint, the responsibility of both the service and the internship being largely on the shoulders of Judy and the interns, a little on Ted and I (as we didn’t take this on from the beginning). The families served aren’t just getting low-level services- they are getting truly insightful, wise, professional services thanks to the good heartedness of the people involved.
Providing clinical supervision is such an important part of what I’m lucky enough to get to do. It means much to me that I’m in a place where I’m not just empowered to help people, but that I am empowered to help people, who can further be of service to others. What I do, I hope, matters a great deal, and the opportunity to share some of that with other people who might further use some of that to help yet other people is amazing.More information about Petar at April30th.org.